i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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