Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize