it's great music for shaving your balls
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
