Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
We have started to decorate penises.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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