turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
