you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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