apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
