I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
