So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
