In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
