just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
