I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
