she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
