I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
