why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
