Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
