honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
