how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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