This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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