don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize