brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
