She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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