Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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