Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
