i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
