You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
