I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You are a genius and a whore.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
