yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
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