You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
