How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
