i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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