I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
