I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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