grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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