He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
