evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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