this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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