he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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