Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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