Sry I called you an 8
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
