i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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