Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
