we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
