Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
