here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize