Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
