Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
