he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
