now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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