i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
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