i think my mom watched the whole time
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
