Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
