Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
