so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
