saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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