I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
there's paper in my vomit.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
