No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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