After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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