i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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