Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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