he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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