Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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