i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
