So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize