i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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