i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
