I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
