My underwear smells like fireworks.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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