Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
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