two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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