omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
