Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize