Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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