did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
