I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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