He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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