theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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