Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
The power of my boobs compel you
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
