I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Will you blow on my dice?
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Randomize
