I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
