Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i think i have herpe
just one?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
