I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
