No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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