i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
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