my phone needs a breathalizer
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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