then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
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