I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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