it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
