Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
