I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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