Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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