i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
