I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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