hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize