i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
What a dumb baby whore.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
