Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I will be naked everywhere
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
