that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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