You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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