can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize