He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
