Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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