Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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