As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
