he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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