Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
