I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
