I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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