Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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