alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
of course. lets lasso hookers.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
40s are totally the cure
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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