I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
