i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
