dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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