I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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