First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
