If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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